Stories of Hope… Amy Adams
“Dear Amy,” the email read, “please do not call, text, or email your daughter or me anymore. Your behavior is hurting your daughter more than you could ever know. She has panic attacks and nightmares frequently, worrying about you, and I will not allow you to contact her in any way until you get clean. You are missing out on your grandsons’ lives because you are choosing drugs and alcohol over your family. It hurts me to say this, but I am protecting my wife. If you contact us, I will have you arrested for stalking.”
This email came from my son-in-law after their visit to Kennestone Hospital to see me after I overdosed on crack cocaine. I had lied to them and told them it was just “heart palpitations” but that everything checked out fine. The truth was, I had overdosed and felt like my heart was literally about to explode out of my chest. I had to be rushed to the hospital in an ambulance where paramedics saved my life. At the hospital, my daughter gave me a similar letter, but I had ignored it and continued to pursue a relationship with her despite her request for space. Now they meant business! I had a decision to make. So, I decided to play the victim, wallow in my perceived rejection, and get high. This lasted nine more months.
Let us rewind to 2001. I had been in and out of jail multiple times on drug charges and was facing 15 years in prison. I was in the Cobb County jail, awaiting my court hearing for multiple drug possession charges. I had two daughters (ages 11 and 4) that were living apart with different family members. I had been on the streets for three years and had no idea how to get sober. I knew I needed to change, so I wrote to a rehab in Ellijay and was accepted. The judge allowed me to get the help I needed finally, and I went to the treatment facility. That is where I first met Wynema Barber (now the Director of the Women’s Extension). She had impacted my life so profoundly that I wanted to be just like her. She taught me so much about myself and my disease of addiction. I was able to restore my relationship with God, with my daughters, and the rest of my family. Life was good!
After leaving the program in August of 2002, I settled down in Ellijay, regained custody of both my daughters, started a cleaning service, got married, and was involved in the recovery community in North Georgia. I also went to church regularly. I was still seeing Wynema as my counselor and would drive to her office a few times a month. Wynema was a huge part of my recovery for many, many years. She had a knack for re-directing my sick thinking, and I grew very fond of her.
In 2009, I decided to become a Certified Addictions Counselor. I was working for the Drug Court of the Appalachian Judicial Circuit two-three nights a week and would drive to The Extension every week for CAC classes with Dianne Sherman. Wynema was helping me with my supervision hours and allowed me to work at The Women’s Extension one or two days a week doing intakes, client history, and classes. It was quite intimidating but also very fulfilling. I found my calling! But all this “busy-ness” (being a business owner, going to meetings, going to church, working on my CAC) took a toll on my marriage. I was trying to be a “wonder woman” and was not doing any one thing very well at all.
In hindsight, I see that I was juggling too much, and my priorities became lopsided. I was unhappy in my marriage, so I left my husband and went to live in an apartment. By this time, my oldest daughter was already out of the house with a family of her own. My youngest daughter came to live with me in the apartment. Within two months, I felt empty and started online dating. I needed to feel desirable. I met a man and started seeing him regularly. Once Drug Court found out about me dating someone so soon after leaving my husband and while still legally married, they gave me an ultimatum. “Him or your job at Drug Court.” I chose HIM. At this point, my addiction was already activated. You see, my addiction is like an umbrella. And under that umbrella is an addiction to men, food, shopping, alcohol, and drugs. I would use anything to change how I feel RIGHT NOW. Now I had someone I could pour all my efforts and time into, and he loved it. I became obsessed with him. I soon sold my business and tried several unsuccessful businesses with my new boyfriend. I became broke very quickly, and the relationship ended after three on-again, off-again years. It dawned on me that he was using me and I felt like a failure on every level of my life. After all, I had “given up” so much to make our relationship work.
Immediately I turned to marijuana to ease the pain of the loss. Six months later, convincing myself that I was longer an addict as I was able to “successfully” smoke marijuana, I began drinking alcohol again. “It’s just a glass of wine,” I told myself. I can handle that. This started a long downhill spiral back to homelessness and crack addiction. I no longer had my daughter (she had moved out on her own at 17 to get away from my alcoholic craziness), I no longer worked for Drug Court, I no longer had my business, and my relationship with the guy was over. My life had gone to hell very quickly.
I spent the next three years living in and out of motels without so much as a car in the end. My drug use landed me in the hospital (age 44), and now my family was cutting me off completely. What in the world happened?? How did I end up here? I was so ashamed of myself. I was disgusted with the woman I had become. I was supposed to be an ADDICTIONS COUNSELOR by now, and here I was living in the gutter!
Then came the invitation to lunch with my Mom. She was living in Maine at the time and emailed me to let me know she would be in Atlanta in a month (on Sunday, August 27, 2017), and would I please meet her for “lunch.” I agreed to join her. Two weeks later, I received a reminder text that she would be in town and to not forget about our “lunch date.” And again, one week later, she calls and asks me if I am still going to meet her for lunch. I smelled an intervention!! And it was time. I was completely beaten by my addiction by then and felt very grateful if that was actually what was being planned.
On August 27, 2017, my family held my intervention. My Mom picked me up from Motel 6 in Marietta and drove me to our “lunch date.” The intervention was held at my daughter’s neighborhood clubhouse. I walked in, and there sat both my daughters, my son-in-law, my Mom and step-dad, my sister, and WYNEMA! My family took turns reading the letters they had written to me. They told me of the anxiety attacks, the sleepless nights of worry, the fear they felt in my life, and the fact that they missed me more than I would ever know. They drew a line in the sand that day and set their boundaries. If I wanted to be a part of my family, I would have to go to treatment and stay until I completed the program.
I am not going to lie… it was an easy decision to make but extremely humiliating to walk in the doors at the Extension after interning there so many years before. Once the fog cleared from my brain and I could see just how far down I had gone, I was embarrassed and disgusted with myself. I had a hard time fitting in and making friends because I did not like myself one bit. But I stayed. I did the work. I was honest. And I got better! I found an awesome sponsor who dedicated time to me each week. I worked the 12 Steps of AA, and I regained the love, trust, and respect of my family. I have not felt the need to pick up a drink or a drug since the day I walked into the Extension.
Today, I have been clean for almost three years. I am involved with the Extension Alumni, I attend AA meetings regularly, I still call my sponsor, and I sponsor women who also sponsor other women. I have a step-brother and a step-sister who are at the Extension and the program is saving their lives too.
Words will never truly explain how grateful I am for God, the Extension, Wynema, Courtney (my first counselor at the Extension), my sponsor, and the powerful network of sober women I have in my life today. I have been given a second chance at life, and I plan to make the most of it. I am a 48-year-old woman in recovery. I am a mother and a grandmother. I am a sister and a daughter. I just recently started a new business, but this time, I am keeping my recovery as the priority in my life so that I do not end up with lopsided priorities again.
The Extension taught me so much about co-dependency, finances, relationships, and how my disease can show up in so many ways. Today I am not afraid, to be honest about how I feel and how I am behaving. Let’s face it, I am not perfect, and I never will be. But I have been armed with tools to do life, one day at a time, and I am SOBER.”
