Sometimes the Wrong Choices Bring Us to the Right Places

My name is Sydney, and I was born in Jacksonville, Florida. I’m the youngest of four kids. Some of us are from different marriages, but that didn’t stop us from acting like full siblings. I was the stereotypical little sister, running around and terrorizing my siblings. I was really attention seeking, so I did anything I could think of to get my parents and siblings to pay attention to me- which mostly involved getting into trouble. I’m also extremely headstrong. If I want something, I’m gonna do it right now and you can’t do anything to stop me. I’m still like that.

My parents argued a lot. Mom was a teacher, and one day she slipped and fell in the school cafeteria. It was bad enough that she needed back surgery, but it never fully healed. The doctor prescribed pain medication, and once she started taking the pills, she never stopped. After the injury she spiraled. She couldn’t work anymore and completely lost herself.

I didn’t understand then why my Dad was gone so often, but I know now that he worked so much to keep the roof over our head. In his absence, I stood by my mother’s side to take care of her. The constant pain meds were turning her into a zombie. She would often fall asleep with a bowl of cereal in her lap or a cigarette in her hand, and I became the one to look after her. By the time I was 10, I would watch her sleep and make sure she was still breathing. Looking back now, I can see that it was too much responsibility.

I became extremely independent by the time I was 16. We moved to Buford, Georgia and I got a job at Nordstrom. One night, when I came back after sneaking out of the house, I had to crawl through the broken window I had left open. As I was coming in, the window broke on top of me and fell into the house. I looked up and saw my dad sitting there watching the whole thing. I thought I was caught red-handed. But he didn’t even get up, he just looked at me and asked if I was ok. I said I was, “Ok, goodnight. Love you” “Love you too, Dad. Goodnight.”

Another night when I got home late, my dad wasn’t home. I went upstairs to check on my mom who was sleeping. When I found her, she wasn’t breathing. I realized what was happening and the whole world started to slow down. I managed to call 911, and when they got there everything swirled around me. The whole world moved around me, time moved, but I stayed still. There was nothing the paramedics could do, she had overdosed on her medications.

My dad remarried a while later and I had a hard time adjusting to my stepmom. Her heavy hand motivated me to get out of the house. My boyfriend, Trevor, at the time had a good job and just bought a house. We broke up a few times but we always got back together and it felt like a stable relationship, so I moved in with him. Soon enough I got pregnant with my son Jack. It was scary, I was the youngest of my siblings and soon to be the only one with a child. I was the baby, going to have a baby. And I had no idea what it looked like to be a mom.

While I was pregnant, Trevor’s father got extremely sick. We were constantly in and out of the hospital, and it strained our relationship. His father ultimately passed, and he started drinking to cope with the loss.

I kept trying to create this idyllic life. I felt like Wonder Woman after having my son Jack, I had no idea you could love someone so much. But my boyfriend kept drinking. It went from a social activity to all day, every day- fast. I tried to hold him back and keep our relationship together, but it wasn’t working.

Soon enough we were both drinking and arguing a lot. It got so bad that I lost custody of Jack. Trevor’s mom was granted custody in court. I still remember the feeling I got that day when I saw the papers. I walked out of the courthouse not knowing who I was anymore. I had lost my mom, my relationship, and my son.

I spiraled out of control, and it was my dad who saved me. He never left my side. After losing my mom, he couldn’t bear to lose me too. He couldn’t go back and save mom, but he could sure try to save me. He’s the one who found The Extension and drove me there for treatment.

When I got to The Extension, I sat there, and I did the work.

It was transformative for me. I started to see how my past weaved together and got me to where I was. The burden of taking care of my mom, the hyper independence, trying to create the perfect life with Trevor- I managed it all for a while, but I never took the time to process any of it.

I got to rebuild my life. I’m already seeing the effects on my kids. Just the other day, my son told me he was upset and he would talk to me in a few minutes after he calmed down. All of the work I did is worth it, and it’s worth seeing my kids learn healthy behaviors from me- I never had that.

I love coming back to The Extension. I kept the job I got while there and got promoted. I spend a lot of time with other alumni, they are some of my best friends in the world, and I even met my boyfriend today through the Alumni Association. We get the chance to create a new life together- it’s certainly not idyllic, but it is real, and it’s sober, and we owe that to The Extension.