Learning to Stay

I had 15 alcohol related arrests before I came to The Extension. My life was full of toxic relationships, and I bounced around motel rooms for 10 years. I had been married for almost 20 years and divorced because of alcoholism. My ex-husband went home to Long Island with our kids and told me not to call.

The crazy part is that I knew about The Extension the whole time I was locked up. There was an older woman from a church, her name was Dorothy, who would come by and tell me, “You need to go to The Extension.” I loved this woman, God bless her. She’s passed away now, but she saved my life then. She was my savior. She and her husband prayed over me; they helped me get motel rooms when I needed them. They wanted a different life for me, but I kept running away.

It wasn’t until I ran out of money that I decided to get sober. My kids didn’t want to talk to me unless I was clean and hadn’t been drinking. One time while I was on probation, I wanted to call my kids, but my ex-husband said he would call my probation officer if I sounded drunk. I was, so I never got to hear their voices. Again, I found myself out of money and out of liquor. I had my motel room for three more days, and I knew that was my opportunity to change. I was sick and tired of the cycle. Getting arrested, saving money while I was in jail, getting out, and then spending it all on alcohol. I went through this pattern at least 15 times. I couldn’t stay like this anymore.

Dorothy had continued to support me, so I knew I could count on her now. She helped me gather everything I needed to enter The Extension. She even drove me there when I got accepted into the program. She and her husband have both passed now, and I feel like I never got to repay them, but I try to pay their kindness forward.

I knew I could get sober, I just had to learn how. I was raised in an extremely strict household; my parents were rigid people. I knew how to follow rules so that wouldn’t be my issue in recovery- staying would. My sister who lived in New York would call me and ask, “when are you getting out?” I told her every time, “Well, they want me to stay another week.” It was always “another week, another week” and slowly, it started to connect for me. The group sessions, the meditations, the therapy, the yoga, my sponsor Judy, the relapse prevention plans- it all made me realize that I had to change the way I thought about life.

I started to hold myself accountable, take responsibility for my life, and give back. After my time at The Extension as a client, I stayed on as a house monitor for two more years. At the time, it was just a little efficiency apartment- it’s been completely transformed now. I don’t have letters at the end of my name, but I learned a lot. I shared my experiences with the ladies and showed them that it was through my life experiences and what I’ve lived through that got me to where I was. I was able to pay forward the kindness of Dorothy and her husband. I love that I get to keep sharing kindness to this day, and I always will.

Something I learned in recovery at The Extension is that you know the familiar very well, so you must change the way you think about what’s familiar. You have to live your own life, but you can’t live it the way you have up until now- you have to choose a different mindset. I still see it every day, I still talk to homeless people because I was one; I choose to do that. Even at my job at Walmart, I see people I knew 20 years ago, and I get to tell them about my new life.

The Extension gives us a home and gives us love. We don’t even love ourselves when we first get there, but they embrace you and help you find the core issue of why you do what you do. We find our own spirituality, our source of strength. We find hope. It’s in the alumni that come back, the group and individual therapy, and it’s in power hour. Hope is everywhere at The Extension if you stay long enough to find it.

Since I transitioned out of The Extension, I’ve gotten my life back and I’m doing what I’m supposed to. I have a car, a job, my kids, and everything in my life is okay. There’s no need for making up stories in my head that never happened. I think of myself as a human being, not a human doer. This doesn’t mean that I have control of my life, but everyday I thank God for helping me that day. It’s simple. Really simple. I don’t struggle anymore or procrastinate or worry about what’s next. It’s a simple program for complicated people.

I learned to ask for what I need, and I don’t worry about what other people are going to think. Most of the time we are making up what they’ll think anyways. I’m up for a promotion this year, and I had to do a background check and drug test, and those don’t scare me anymore. I know who I am, I get up, I show up, I come to work, and I do it to the best of my abilities.

The Extension is an incredible place, if you keep doing what you need to, everything will fall into place. I’ve seen all sorts of charges dropped, lives transformed, and relationships healed. You’ll see miracles happen at The Extension if you learn to stay like I did.